CA: Be a Tool
Dec. 12th, 2013 12:50 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
amporaeridan https://31.media.tumblr.com/5fb48e7fc79ddbd245f7bfbcf4609df0/tumblr_mxoj96Kqxo1qc8ozdo1_500.png
CA: okay kar turn on your vvideocam because i got all the outfits lined up
CG: THAT
CG: WOW.
CG: ....WOW.
CA: right theyre so outdated but im going to get somefin alike to those but more this perigree
CA: wwhich style looks best though
CG: THEY'RE.
CG: OKAY, HOLD ON, LET ME SCRAPE MY FUCKING EYES OFF THE FLOOR AND SEE WHAT'S LEFT OF MY WORKING VISION
CG: HAVE YOU CONSIDERED THAT EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THESE SCREAMS "I AM INSECURE AND TRYIN WWAY TOO HARD HERE"
CA: howw wwould they make me insecure
CA: this is the wwardrobe a kings
CG: FOR EXAMPLE: THOSE MEDALS CAN'T ACTUALLY BE REAL
CG: WHERE THE FUCK DID YOU EVEN GET THOSE
CA: a course they are
CA: my lusus gavve them to me
CA: for evvery duel i wwon
CA: also fef gavve them to me
CA: a long time ago wwhen wwe used to go scavvenging
CG: FEFERI ISN'T QUALIFIED TO HAND OUT LEGITIMATE MILITARY RECOGNITION, NUMBNUTS
CA: kar yet again must i explain that this is soley for the sake a sportsmanship and intimidation
CA: evventually yes i wwil havve proper medals to reflect my superiority
CG: SOLLUX ISN'T GOING TO BE INTIMIDATED BY A BUNCH OF FLASHY CHUNKS OF MEDAL YOUR DAD GAVE YOU
CA: he doesnt knoww that
CA: i mean if the medals are too much fine ill take them off
CG: PLEASE FUCKING DO BEFORE THE REFLECTIONS GIVE SOMEONE A SEIZURE
CG: AND BY SOMEONE I MEAN ME BECAUSE FUCK BOTH OF YOU FOR PUTTING ME INTO A SITUATION WHERE I AM SERIOUSLY TRYING TO DECIDE BETWEEN TWO IDENTICAL PURPLE COATS
CA: wwhat do you mean none a them are identical
CG: THERE'S TWO PURPLE ONES
CG: AND THREE BLACK ONES
CA: one a them is navvy
CG: THAT'S NOT EVEN A REAL COLOR FUCK YOU
CG: IT'S BLACK
CA: wwhatEVVER so wwhich one do you like
CG: NONE OF THEM
CA: nonsense kar one a them has to be goin in the right direction
CG: OKAY SO WHAT EXACTLY ARE YOU TRYING TO COMMUNICATE HERE
CA: grovvel
CA: cowwer in fear
CA: behold my magnificence
CA: you knoww that sort a thing
CG: YOU REALLY THINK SOLLUX IS GOING TO TAKE A LOOK AT ANY OF THOSE WITHOUT LAUGHING HIS ASS OFF
CA: wwell noww that you put it that wway
CA: he does havve a habit a not gettin the fuckin point
CA: wwhats funny to him is certainly not the standard for normal trolls
CA: i guess thats wwhat comes wwith bein a grotesque mutant
CG: OH NO, I'M NOT SITTING HERE WHILE YOU GO ON SOME INANE RANT ABOUT WHAT GETS YOUR BULGE WET WITH REGARDS TO SOLLUX CAPTOR
CG: SAVE THAT SHIT FOR YOUR DIARY
CA: excuse you wwere you honestly just insinuatin that i felt somethin other than utter contempt for the fucktwwit failure you call a friend
CG: ARE YOU HONESTLY INSINUATING THAT IN ADDITION TO BEING BLIND AND DEAF I AM IN FACT STUPIDER THAN A PILE OF FECES ROTTING IN THE SUN
CA: im not pitch for him
CA: though i can understand that highblood hatred can come off as excessivve but wwere just born that wway
CG: FINE
CG: WHATEVER
CG: IT'S NOT LIKE I'M IN ANY POSITION TO CALL SOMEONE ON THEIR RIDICULOUS FACE SAVING DELUSIONS
CG: YOU'RE NOT PITCH YOU JUST WANT HIM TO BE SHITTING HIS PANTS IN FEAR AND AWE
CA: youvve got that right
CA: on both accounts
CG: WELL NONE OF THOSE OUTFITS ARE GOING TO JACK SHIT IN THAT REGARD SO START OVER
CA: damn it youre right
CG: OF COURSE I'M FUCKING RIGHT
CA: i may as wwell showw up in normal clothes as though im not evven takin this seriously
CA: like hes not evven wworth it
CA: cuz hes not
CG: WHATEVER YOU SAY
CG: WOW YOU COULD HAVE JUST COME TO THAT CONCLUSION TWENTY MINUTES AGO WHEN I TOLD YOU THAT AND SAVED US BOTH SOME IT ME
CA: but i took so much time gettin it all together
CA: and noww it just seems like a wwaste
CA: this wwhole thing is a wwaste
CG: WHAT, GOING OUT TO THE SEASHORE AND THROWING A WRIGGLER FIT WITH GUNS AND EYELAZERS?
CA: i should just take seashorsedad ovver to the communal hivvestems and bloww his wwhole respiteblock up in a wwhite cloud a smoke
CA: be done wwith it
CG: WAIT WHAT
CG: DON'T FUCKING DO THAT, YOU DUMBSHIT
CA: wwhy not itll be easy and i wwont havve to wworry about him laughin at me
CA: wwith that stupid laugh a his
CG: YEAH HUH I WONDER WHY YOU SHOULDN'T GO AND BLOW UP THE BLOCK OF SOMEBODY WHO'S COMPLETELY UNSUSPECTING OF IT IN A FLASH OF LAZER AND HURT FEELINGS
CG: WHAT POSSIBLE GODDAMN REASON COULD THERE BE BESIDES IT'S A DUMB FUCKING IDEA IN EVERY POSSIBLE WAY
CG: IN FACT LET US MAP THE WAYS
CG: HERE WE GO SETTING OUT AT WOW POTENTIALLY COLLAPSING THE ENTIRE FUCKING STEM, CATCHING HUNDREDS OF TROLLS WHO JUST LIKE KARKAT WANTED ONLY TO NEVER HAVE TO GET IN THE MIDDLE OF THIS STUPID SHIT UNAWARES AND KILLING THEM, NOT TO MENTION GETTING HIT IN YOUR THICK SKULL WITH DEBRIS AND PROBABLY DYING A DESERVED DEATH FOR BEING SO INSUFFERABLY STUPID
CG: IT'S A BEAUTIFUL TOWN BUT WHAT'S NEXT ON OUR METAPHORICAL JOURNEY THROUGH ERIDAN GROW THE HELL UP?
CG: OH, YEAH, EVEN SANS MASSIVE STRUCTURAL DESTRUCTION OF EVERYTHING IN A MILE RADIUS YOU COULD STILL SERIOUSLY HURT HIM
CG: BUT WE CAN ONLY SPEND THE DAY THERE BECAUSE IF WE DON'T GET TO ARE YOU SERIOUSLY CONSIDERING THIS BECAUSE I TOLD YOU YOUR HIDEOUS PURPLE COAT LOOKS DUMB?! AND IT'S THE FESTIVAL OF STOP BEING PISSY.
CA: fine ill just wwear wwhat i normally wwear and wwait for the duel
CG: GOOD BECAUSE I'M OUT OF CAEGARS FOR THE METAPHORICAL JOURNEY OF SHITSTAINS TRAIN
CA: or maybe ill just try out my neww inductee officer uniform that just came in the other day
CA: see howw it feels in battle
CG: IS IT BRIGHT PURPLE AND SPARKLING LIKE THE TEARS OF MY DISGUST WITH EVERYTHING?
CA: no its standard for all inductees unfortuntely
CA: still looks pretty nice
CA: ill get nicer sets once i rise in ranks
CA: the usual
CG: YEAH I FIGURED.
CG: THAT'S PROBABLY THE BETTER CHOICE IF YOU'RE DETERMINED TO LOOK LIKE EVEN MORE OF A STUCK UP JERK THAN USUAL.
CA: i havve a title to maintain kar
CG: WHATEVER
CG: WHEN ARE YOU FUCKS GOING TO DO THIS ANYWAY
CA: wwe still need to set a time
CA: hes been peculiarly silent as a late and like fuck ill be the one to contact him first it wwould make me look so desperate
CA: i sure as fuck eq has nothin to do wwith this
CG: HE'S FINISHING THAT GAME THOUGH, RIGHT
CG: MIGHT JUST BE BUSY
CA: right
CG: OR HE GOT HIS DUMBASS CAUGHT UP IN SOMETHING UTTERLY FUCKING RETARDED, JEGUS.
CA: like wwhat
CG: LIKE BEING A SKELETAL KNOW IT ALL! FUCK IF I KNOW EVERY SINGLE THING HE DOES ALL DAY. IT'S PROBABLY DUMBER THAN MY DAY TO DAY ROUTINE AND THAT'S SAYING SOMETHING.
CA: certainly
CA: tryin to make use a his time wwhen theres really no point
CA: his futures already decided for him
CG: YEAH. I GUESS.
CA: howw amusin
CA: and somewwhat sad
CA: if i actually cared
CG: ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT, YOU DON'T HAVE TO CONVINCE ME. FUCK.
CA: so noww that youre not joinin officer tranin
CA: wwhat are you actually planin on doin noww
CG: HAH THAT IS
CG: AN EXCELLENT QUESTION
CG: ONE THAT I HAVE AN ESPECIALLY EXCELLENT ANSWER TO OBVIOUSLY
CA: times a wwastin kar
CA: and fuck i might as wwell just ask him
CA: i wwant to knoww wwhen this thing is and i dont wwant to wwait on his indignant ass
CG: YEAH WELL FIGURE IT OUT
CA: havve you evven seen these things kar they look fantastic evven if theyre standard issue
CA: i didnt wwant to mess it up but i doubt i wwill
CA: https://31.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mbedze6K7j1rtsz0do1_500.jpg
CG: YEAH THAT'S BETTER
CG: IF ONLY BY VIRTUE OF NOT BLINDING EVERYONE IN A 20 FOOT RADIUS
CG: IS THAT REALLY YOUR UNIFORM
CA: yeah this is it
CA: i bet youd havve looked good in it too
CA: i cant evven imagine wwhat ter wwould havve thought
CA: might havve evven skipped out and travveled half wway accros the univverse just to take a glimpse at you
CG: TEREZI'S BLIND, YOU INSENSITIVE DOUCHE
CA: lick then
CG: YEAH LIKE I REALLY NEED HER STICKING HER TONGUE EVERYWHERE WHILE IN PUBLIC
CA: not much of an exhibitionist arent you
CG: EXHIBITIONISM IS FOR ASSHOLES WITH SOMETHING TO PROVE
CA: or wwith nothin to hide
CG: THAT'S THE BIGGEST LOAD OF HOOFBEAST SHIT I'VE EVER HEARD, EVERYBODY HAS SOMETHING TO HIDE
CG: USUALLY THEIR RAMPANT GODDAMN STUPIDITY AND FAILURE TO FUNCTION LIKE EVEN THE REMOTEST EXAMPLE OF A NORMAL PERSON
CG: AND USUALLY POORLY
CA: i knoww youd rather her covver evvery inch a you in that seasick color spit a hers in front a her wwhole class a legislacerators than to nevver see her again
CG: FUCK YOU VERY MUCH TOO; GOOD THING THOSE AREN'T THE ONLY TWO OPTIONS THEN
CG: NEWSFLASH, DUMBASS: INTERSHIP COMMUNICATIONS ARE EASIER THAN SHIP TO PLANETSIDE
CG: THERE'S ONLY A WHOLE FUCKING SUBGENRE OF ACENSION THEMED MOVIES ABOUT THAT VERY ISSUE!
CG: WHICH YOU'D KNOW IF YOU FUCKING WATCHED THEM INSTEAD OF SPENDING HALF THE TIME DROOLING AT THE ACTORS, I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY I BOTHER WATCHING THESE THINGS WITH YOU HALF THE TIME IT'S SUCH A POINTLESS VENTURE IT'S ALMOST LIKE I LITERALLY HAVE NOTHING ELSE TO FILL MY TIME WITH
CG: OH WAIT
CG: SO AGAIN FUCK YOU FOR SHITTY SCENARIOS. JUST FOR THAT I'M GOING TO CALL HER AS SOON AS I CAN GET THE DAMN OPTION, AND IT WILL BE THE VIDCALL TO END ALL VIDCALLS, IT WILL BE SO GODDAMN PASSIONATE ANYONE WHO WITNESSES IT WILL WEEP TEARS AT THE SHEER BEAUTY
CA: i almost wwant to drop in
CG: MILES AWAY SHIRTS WILL FLY OPEN, TROLLS WILL FALL SUDDENLY AND INREPERABLY INTO QUADRANTS WITH STRANGERS, KNOWING NOTHING OF THE REASONS EXCEPT THE GENTLE WHISPER OF THE BREEZE: "OH, MISTER KARKAT"
CG: FUCK YOU THAT'S PRIVATE
CA: and i pay attention to those movvies kar but wwe both knoww howw they end
CA: they alwways meet despite the distance and thats wwhen it gets good
CA: and yes that scenario is exactly howw i imagine it wwould go
CA: also i am going to kill eq literally just wwanted to let you knoww
CG: WHAT
CA: that wwell havve to account for 11 players not 12
CG: NO YOU AREN'T
CA: he told sol about the robot
CG: OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE
CA: not that it wwas mine
CA: it wwas obvviously not mine
CG: IF IT WASN'T YOURS THEN WHY DO YOU CARE WHO HE TOLD
CA: and evven if it wwas mine it wwas not for the purpose he described
CA: because sol could take it the wwrong wway
CG: DON'T BE AN IDIOT
CG: YOU'RE NOT CULLING ANYONE, WE NEED 12 PLAYERS
CA: do wwe really though i mean im strong enough to covver him
CG: YES WE FUCKING DO AND I'M NOT GOING TO LOSE THIS SHIT BECAUSE "YOUR FRIEND" IS HAVING PITCH PROBLEMS
CG: GROW A COCOON, GROW UP, AND DEAL WITH IT. PUT ON YOUR BIG WRIGGLER HIDEOUS STRIPED PANTS
CG: I KNOW YOU'RE CAPABLE OF IT.
CA: i dont evven knoww wwhat eq told him
CA: he could havve ruined evveryfin
CG: NOTHING'S BEEN RUINED, YOU INTOLERABLE MELODRAMA
CA: i might as wwell pack up the officer uniform noww and nevver showw my face around here again
CA: if the wword around the wweb is that 'amporas got it pitch for a lowwblood scoundrel wwith a terrible ovverbite' i might as wwell cull myself outright
CG: OH MY GOD, ERIDAN, STOP
CG: BEFORE YOU TALK YOURSELF INTO SOMETHING COMPLETELY FUCKING RETARDED, JUST STOP.
CG: IT'S FINE.
CA: at least i dont havve it bad for a fuckin ghost robot wwho used to be the lowwest a the loww
CA: and i bet he actually DID put modifications on her
CG: WOW WHAT
CG: WHO HAS A GHOST ROBOT?
CG: HAVE YOU SHITS BEEN LEAVING ME OUT OF THE LOOP AGAIN
CA: vvris told me thats wwhat ended up happenin to ara
CA: thats howw shes able to play
CA: and eqs the one wwho made her
CG: HOW THE FUCK
CA: and if wwe knoww eq and wwe do wwe knoww exactly wwhat wwent through his mind makin that hunk a metal
CA: so if he thinks he can start slanderous rumors about me hes got another thing comin
CG: NOBODY HAS ANYTHING COMING EXCEPT MY FOOT UP THEIR CHUTES
CG: ARADIA IS A SPOOKY CREEP BUT SHE'S NOT A FUCKING IDIOT
CG: WHO THE FUCK IS SOLLUX EVEN GOING TO TELL
CA: evveryone
CA: oh cod wwhat if fef knowws
CG: AND WE NEED 12 FUNCTIONAL PLAYERS AND SO HELP ME IF I HAVE TO SIT AND SCREAM AT EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU UNTIL YOU ALL STOP THREATENING TO MURDER AND NOT MURDER AND PUT EACH OTHER IN ROBOTS
CG: GODDAMMIT
CA: and tell evveryone wwhat theres nothin to evven knoww
CA: listen to me kar
CA: theres nothin to evven
CA: knoww
CA: as far as anyones concerned
CG: DON'T DO ANYTHING STUPID.
CG: THAT'S ALL.
CA: hes not evven respondin anymore he knowws
CA: he knowws and im glubbin done
CA: the duels undoubtably called off and evveryfins gone to shit
CG: IS THAT ACTUALLY WHAT HAPPENED OR ARE YOU JUST FREAKING OUT
CA: he mentioned the robot and then i explained wwhat happened and he hasnt said anyfin since
CA: noww wwhy cant i off eq again i mean seriously kar
CA: wwerent wwe just talkin about howw hes the wworst troll in existance
CG: BECAUSE I FUCKING SAID SO
CG: AND AT LEAST WAIT UNTIL YOU HAVE A REAL ANSWER TO FLIP YOUR GOLD ENCRUSTED SHIT
CG: LISTEN, IT'S NOT JUST A QUICK EXCERCISE IN MURDER LIKE YOU HIGHBLOOD PSYCHOS LIKE TO THINK
CG: IF YOU CULL EQUIUS, NEPETA WILL GO RIGHT AFTER YOU
CG: AND SHUT THE FUCK UP I'M NOT DONE
CA: like i really havve to wworry about wweeb kitten like her
CA: fine
CG: NO WHAT YOU NEED TO FUCKING *WORRY ABOUT* IS A FUCKING *REVENGE CYCLE*
CG: OR ARE YOU SO GODDAMN PANDEAD THAT YOU FORGOT WHAT TURNED ARADIA INTO A GHOST IN THE FIRST PLACE
CG: HALF THE TEAM ISN'T GETTING DRAGGED INTO SHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE MAD ABOUT A ROBOT YOU SAYS ISN'T EVEN YOURS
CA: its not mine
CG: THEN WHAT'S THE FUCKING PROBLEM!?
CA: nothin
CG: OKAY THEN
CA: okay kar turn on your vvideocam because i got all the outfits lined up
CG: THAT
CG: WOW.
CG: ....WOW.
CA: right theyre so outdated but im going to get somefin alike to those but more this perigree
CA: wwhich style looks best though
CG: THEY'RE.
CG: OKAY, HOLD ON, LET ME SCRAPE MY FUCKING EYES OFF THE FLOOR AND SEE WHAT'S LEFT OF MY WORKING VISION
CG: HAVE YOU CONSIDERED THAT EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THESE SCREAMS "I AM INSECURE AND TRYIN WWAY TOO HARD HERE"
CA: howw wwould they make me insecure
CA: this is the wwardrobe a kings
CG: FOR EXAMPLE: THOSE MEDALS CAN'T ACTUALLY BE REAL
CG: WHERE THE FUCK DID YOU EVEN GET THOSE
CA: a course they are
CA: my lusus gavve them to me
CA: for evvery duel i wwon
CA: also fef gavve them to me
CA: a long time ago wwhen wwe used to go scavvenging
CG: FEFERI ISN'T QUALIFIED TO HAND OUT LEGITIMATE MILITARY RECOGNITION, NUMBNUTS
CA: kar yet again must i explain that this is soley for the sake a sportsmanship and intimidation
CA: evventually yes i wwil havve proper medals to reflect my superiority
CG: SOLLUX ISN'T GOING TO BE INTIMIDATED BY A BUNCH OF FLASHY CHUNKS OF MEDAL YOUR DAD GAVE YOU
CA: he doesnt knoww that
CA: i mean if the medals are too much fine ill take them off
CG: PLEASE FUCKING DO BEFORE THE REFLECTIONS GIVE SOMEONE A SEIZURE
CG: AND BY SOMEONE I MEAN ME BECAUSE FUCK BOTH OF YOU FOR PUTTING ME INTO A SITUATION WHERE I AM SERIOUSLY TRYING TO DECIDE BETWEEN TWO IDENTICAL PURPLE COATS
CA: wwhat do you mean none a them are identical
CG: THERE'S TWO PURPLE ONES
CG: AND THREE BLACK ONES
CA: one a them is navvy
CG: THAT'S NOT EVEN A REAL COLOR FUCK YOU
CG: IT'S BLACK
CA: wwhatEVVER so wwhich one do you like
CG: NONE OF THEM
CA: nonsense kar one a them has to be goin in the right direction
CG: OKAY SO WHAT EXACTLY ARE YOU TRYING TO COMMUNICATE HERE
CA: grovvel
CA: cowwer in fear
CA: behold my magnificence
CA: you knoww that sort a thing
CG: YOU REALLY THINK SOLLUX IS GOING TO TAKE A LOOK AT ANY OF THOSE WITHOUT LAUGHING HIS ASS OFF
CA: wwell noww that you put it that wway
CA: he does havve a habit a not gettin the fuckin point
CA: wwhats funny to him is certainly not the standard for normal trolls
CA: i guess thats wwhat comes wwith bein a grotesque mutant
CG: OH NO, I'M NOT SITTING HERE WHILE YOU GO ON SOME INANE RANT ABOUT WHAT GETS YOUR BULGE WET WITH REGARDS TO SOLLUX CAPTOR
CG: SAVE THAT SHIT FOR YOUR DIARY
CA: excuse you wwere you honestly just insinuatin that i felt somethin other than utter contempt for the fucktwwit failure you call a friend
CG: ARE YOU HONESTLY INSINUATING THAT IN ADDITION TO BEING BLIND AND DEAF I AM IN FACT STUPIDER THAN A PILE OF FECES ROTTING IN THE SUN
CA: im not pitch for him
CA: though i can understand that highblood hatred can come off as excessivve but wwere just born that wway
CG: FINE
CG: WHATEVER
CG: IT'S NOT LIKE I'M IN ANY POSITION TO CALL SOMEONE ON THEIR RIDICULOUS FACE SAVING DELUSIONS
CG: YOU'RE NOT PITCH YOU JUST WANT HIM TO BE SHITTING HIS PANTS IN FEAR AND AWE
CA: youvve got that right
CA: on both accounts
CG: WELL NONE OF THOSE OUTFITS ARE GOING TO JACK SHIT IN THAT REGARD SO START OVER
CA: damn it youre right
CG: OF COURSE I'M FUCKING RIGHT
CA: i may as wwell showw up in normal clothes as though im not evven takin this seriously
CA: like hes not evven wworth it
CA: cuz hes not
CG: WHATEVER YOU SAY
CG: WOW YOU COULD HAVE JUST COME TO THAT CONCLUSION TWENTY MINUTES AGO WHEN I TOLD YOU THAT AND SAVED US BOTH SOME IT ME
CA: but i took so much time gettin it all together
CA: and noww it just seems like a wwaste
CA: this wwhole thing is a wwaste
CG: WHAT, GOING OUT TO THE SEASHORE AND THROWING A WRIGGLER FIT WITH GUNS AND EYELAZERS?
CA: i should just take seashorsedad ovver to the communal hivvestems and bloww his wwhole respiteblock up in a wwhite cloud a smoke
CA: be done wwith it
CG: WAIT WHAT
CG: DON'T FUCKING DO THAT, YOU DUMBSHIT
CA: wwhy not itll be easy and i wwont havve to wworry about him laughin at me
CA: wwith that stupid laugh a his
CG: YEAH HUH I WONDER WHY YOU SHOULDN'T GO AND BLOW UP THE BLOCK OF SOMEBODY WHO'S COMPLETELY UNSUSPECTING OF IT IN A FLASH OF LAZER AND HURT FEELINGS
CG: WHAT POSSIBLE GODDAMN REASON COULD THERE BE BESIDES IT'S A DUMB FUCKING IDEA IN EVERY POSSIBLE WAY
CG: IN FACT LET US MAP THE WAYS
CG: HERE WE GO SETTING OUT AT WOW POTENTIALLY COLLAPSING THE ENTIRE FUCKING STEM, CATCHING HUNDREDS OF TROLLS WHO JUST LIKE KARKAT WANTED ONLY TO NEVER HAVE TO GET IN THE MIDDLE OF THIS STUPID SHIT UNAWARES AND KILLING THEM, NOT TO MENTION GETTING HIT IN YOUR THICK SKULL WITH DEBRIS AND PROBABLY DYING A DESERVED DEATH FOR BEING SO INSUFFERABLY STUPID
CG: IT'S A BEAUTIFUL TOWN BUT WHAT'S NEXT ON OUR METAPHORICAL JOURNEY THROUGH ERIDAN GROW THE HELL UP?
CG: OH, YEAH, EVEN SANS MASSIVE STRUCTURAL DESTRUCTION OF EVERYTHING IN A MILE RADIUS YOU COULD STILL SERIOUSLY HURT HIM
CG: BUT WE CAN ONLY SPEND THE DAY THERE BECAUSE IF WE DON'T GET TO ARE YOU SERIOUSLY CONSIDERING THIS BECAUSE I TOLD YOU YOUR HIDEOUS PURPLE COAT LOOKS DUMB?! AND IT'S THE FESTIVAL OF STOP BEING PISSY.
CA: fine ill just wwear wwhat i normally wwear and wwait for the duel
CG: GOOD BECAUSE I'M OUT OF CAEGARS FOR THE METAPHORICAL JOURNEY OF SHITSTAINS TRAIN
CA: or maybe ill just try out my neww inductee officer uniform that just came in the other day
CA: see howw it feels in battle
CG: IS IT BRIGHT PURPLE AND SPARKLING LIKE THE TEARS OF MY DISGUST WITH EVERYTHING?
CA: no its standard for all inductees unfortuntely
CA: still looks pretty nice
CA: ill get nicer sets once i rise in ranks
CA: the usual
CG: YEAH I FIGURED.
CG: THAT'S PROBABLY THE BETTER CHOICE IF YOU'RE DETERMINED TO LOOK LIKE EVEN MORE OF A STUCK UP JERK THAN USUAL.
CA: i havve a title to maintain kar
CG: WHATEVER
CG: WHEN ARE YOU FUCKS GOING TO DO THIS ANYWAY
CA: wwe still need to set a time
CA: hes been peculiarly silent as a late and like fuck ill be the one to contact him first it wwould make me look so desperate
CA: i sure as fuck eq has nothin to do wwith this
CG: HE'S FINISHING THAT GAME THOUGH, RIGHT
CG: MIGHT JUST BE BUSY
CA: right
CG: OR HE GOT HIS DUMBASS CAUGHT UP IN SOMETHING UTTERLY FUCKING RETARDED, JEGUS.
CA: like wwhat
CG: LIKE BEING A SKELETAL KNOW IT ALL! FUCK IF I KNOW EVERY SINGLE THING HE DOES ALL DAY. IT'S PROBABLY DUMBER THAN MY DAY TO DAY ROUTINE AND THAT'S SAYING SOMETHING.
CA: certainly
CA: tryin to make use a his time wwhen theres really no point
CA: his futures already decided for him
CG: YEAH. I GUESS.
CA: howw amusin
CA: and somewwhat sad
CA: if i actually cared
CG: ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT, YOU DON'T HAVE TO CONVINCE ME. FUCK.
CA: so noww that youre not joinin officer tranin
CA: wwhat are you actually planin on doin noww
CG: HAH THAT IS
CG: AN EXCELLENT QUESTION
CG: ONE THAT I HAVE AN ESPECIALLY EXCELLENT ANSWER TO OBVIOUSLY
CA: times a wwastin kar
CA: and fuck i might as wwell just ask him
CA: i wwant to knoww wwhen this thing is and i dont wwant to wwait on his indignant ass
CG: YEAH WELL FIGURE IT OUT
CA: havve you evven seen these things kar they look fantastic evven if theyre standard issue
CA: i didnt wwant to mess it up but i doubt i wwill
CA: https://31.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mbedze6K7j1rtsz0do1_500.jpg
CG: YEAH THAT'S BETTER
CG: IF ONLY BY VIRTUE OF NOT BLINDING EVERYONE IN A 20 FOOT RADIUS
CG: IS THAT REALLY YOUR UNIFORM
CA: yeah this is it
CA: i bet youd havve looked good in it too
CA: i cant evven imagine wwhat ter wwould havve thought
CA: might havve evven skipped out and travveled half wway accros the univverse just to take a glimpse at you
CG: TEREZI'S BLIND, YOU INSENSITIVE DOUCHE
CA: lick then
CG: YEAH LIKE I REALLY NEED HER STICKING HER TONGUE EVERYWHERE WHILE IN PUBLIC
CA: not much of an exhibitionist arent you
CG: EXHIBITIONISM IS FOR ASSHOLES WITH SOMETHING TO PROVE
CA: or wwith nothin to hide
CG: THAT'S THE BIGGEST LOAD OF HOOFBEAST SHIT I'VE EVER HEARD, EVERYBODY HAS SOMETHING TO HIDE
CG: USUALLY THEIR RAMPANT GODDAMN STUPIDITY AND FAILURE TO FUNCTION LIKE EVEN THE REMOTEST EXAMPLE OF A NORMAL PERSON
CG: AND USUALLY POORLY
CA: i knoww youd rather her covver evvery inch a you in that seasick color spit a hers in front a her wwhole class a legislacerators than to nevver see her again
CG: FUCK YOU VERY MUCH TOO; GOOD THING THOSE AREN'T THE ONLY TWO OPTIONS THEN
CG: NEWSFLASH, DUMBASS: INTERSHIP COMMUNICATIONS ARE EASIER THAN SHIP TO PLANETSIDE
CG: THERE'S ONLY A WHOLE FUCKING SUBGENRE OF ACENSION THEMED MOVIES ABOUT THAT VERY ISSUE!
CG: WHICH YOU'D KNOW IF YOU FUCKING WATCHED THEM INSTEAD OF SPENDING HALF THE TIME DROOLING AT THE ACTORS, I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY I BOTHER WATCHING THESE THINGS WITH YOU HALF THE TIME IT'S SUCH A POINTLESS VENTURE IT'S ALMOST LIKE I LITERALLY HAVE NOTHING ELSE TO FILL MY TIME WITH
CG: OH WAIT
CG: SO AGAIN FUCK YOU FOR SHITTY SCENARIOS. JUST FOR THAT I'M GOING TO CALL HER AS SOON AS I CAN GET THE DAMN OPTION, AND IT WILL BE THE VIDCALL TO END ALL VIDCALLS, IT WILL BE SO GODDAMN PASSIONATE ANYONE WHO WITNESSES IT WILL WEEP TEARS AT THE SHEER BEAUTY
CA: i almost wwant to drop in
CG: MILES AWAY SHIRTS WILL FLY OPEN, TROLLS WILL FALL SUDDENLY AND INREPERABLY INTO QUADRANTS WITH STRANGERS, KNOWING NOTHING OF THE REASONS EXCEPT THE GENTLE WHISPER OF THE BREEZE: "OH, MISTER KARKAT"
CG: FUCK YOU THAT'S PRIVATE
CA: and i pay attention to those movvies kar but wwe both knoww howw they end
CA: they alwways meet despite the distance and thats wwhen it gets good
CA: and yes that scenario is exactly howw i imagine it wwould go
CA: also i am going to kill eq literally just wwanted to let you knoww
CG: WHAT
CA: that wwell havve to account for 11 players not 12
CG: NO YOU AREN'T
CA: he told sol about the robot
CG: OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE
CA: not that it wwas mine
CA: it wwas obvviously not mine
CG: IF IT WASN'T YOURS THEN WHY DO YOU CARE WHO HE TOLD
CA: and evven if it wwas mine it wwas not for the purpose he described
CA: because sol could take it the wwrong wway
CG: DON'T BE AN IDIOT
CG: YOU'RE NOT CULLING ANYONE, WE NEED 12 PLAYERS
CA: do wwe really though i mean im strong enough to covver him
CG: YES WE FUCKING DO AND I'M NOT GOING TO LOSE THIS SHIT BECAUSE "YOUR FRIEND" IS HAVING PITCH PROBLEMS
CG: GROW A COCOON, GROW UP, AND DEAL WITH IT. PUT ON YOUR BIG WRIGGLER HIDEOUS STRIPED PANTS
CG: I KNOW YOU'RE CAPABLE OF IT.
CA: i dont evven knoww wwhat eq told him
CA: he could havve ruined evveryfin
CG: NOTHING'S BEEN RUINED, YOU INTOLERABLE MELODRAMA
CA: i might as wwell pack up the officer uniform noww and nevver showw my face around here again
CA: if the wword around the wweb is that 'amporas got it pitch for a lowwblood scoundrel wwith a terrible ovverbite' i might as wwell cull myself outright
CG: OH MY GOD, ERIDAN, STOP
CG: BEFORE YOU TALK YOURSELF INTO SOMETHING COMPLETELY FUCKING RETARDED, JUST STOP.
CG: IT'S FINE.
CA: at least i dont havve it bad for a fuckin ghost robot wwho used to be the lowwest a the loww
CA: and i bet he actually DID put modifications on her
CG: WOW WHAT
CG: WHO HAS A GHOST ROBOT?
CG: HAVE YOU SHITS BEEN LEAVING ME OUT OF THE LOOP AGAIN
CA: vvris told me thats wwhat ended up happenin to ara
CA: thats howw shes able to play
CA: and eqs the one wwho made her
CG: HOW THE FUCK
CA: and if wwe knoww eq and wwe do wwe knoww exactly wwhat wwent through his mind makin that hunk a metal
CA: so if he thinks he can start slanderous rumors about me hes got another thing comin
CG: NOBODY HAS ANYTHING COMING EXCEPT MY FOOT UP THEIR CHUTES
CG: ARADIA IS A SPOOKY CREEP BUT SHE'S NOT A FUCKING IDIOT
CG: WHO THE FUCK IS SOLLUX EVEN GOING TO TELL
CA: evveryone
CA: oh cod wwhat if fef knowws
CG: AND WE NEED 12 FUNCTIONAL PLAYERS AND SO HELP ME IF I HAVE TO SIT AND SCREAM AT EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU UNTIL YOU ALL STOP THREATENING TO MURDER AND NOT MURDER AND PUT EACH OTHER IN ROBOTS
CG: GODDAMMIT
CA: and tell evveryone wwhat theres nothin to evven knoww
CA: listen to me kar
CA: theres nothin to evven
CA: knoww
CA: as far as anyones concerned
CG: DON'T DO ANYTHING STUPID.
CG: THAT'S ALL.
CA: hes not evven respondin anymore he knowws
CA: he knowws and im glubbin done
CA: the duels undoubtably called off and evveryfins gone to shit
CG: IS THAT ACTUALLY WHAT HAPPENED OR ARE YOU JUST FREAKING OUT
CA: he mentioned the robot and then i explained wwhat happened and he hasnt said anyfin since
CA: noww wwhy cant i off eq again i mean seriously kar
CA: wwerent wwe just talkin about howw hes the wworst troll in existance
CG: BECAUSE I FUCKING SAID SO
CG: AND AT LEAST WAIT UNTIL YOU HAVE A REAL ANSWER TO FLIP YOUR GOLD ENCRUSTED SHIT
CG: LISTEN, IT'S NOT JUST A QUICK EXCERCISE IN MURDER LIKE YOU HIGHBLOOD PSYCHOS LIKE TO THINK
CG: IF YOU CULL EQUIUS, NEPETA WILL GO RIGHT AFTER YOU
CG: AND SHUT THE FUCK UP I'M NOT DONE
CA: like i really havve to wworry about wweeb kitten like her
CA: fine
CG: NO WHAT YOU NEED TO FUCKING *WORRY ABOUT* IS A FUCKING *REVENGE CYCLE*
CG: OR ARE YOU SO GODDAMN PANDEAD THAT YOU FORGOT WHAT TURNED ARADIA INTO A GHOST IN THE FIRST PLACE
CG: HALF THE TEAM ISN'T GETTING DRAGGED INTO SHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE MAD ABOUT A ROBOT YOU SAYS ISN'T EVEN YOURS
CA: its not mine
CG: THEN WHAT'S THE FUCKING PROBLEM!?
CA: nothin
CG: OKAY THEN
