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[personal profile] amporaeridan
i swwear to fuck if i havve to deal wwith unruly lowwbloods from another wworld or wwhatevver speakin out a line and demandin shit a me i wwouldnt evven do for my quadrantmates im goin to fuckin choke the next poor sucker i see.

or mate.

and evven hes been givvin me shit. does he really think wwere all the same? really i mean. me and tavv? me and eq? i dont me or GAM? i dont fuckin think so. hes out a his cod damn mind if he thinks im about to buy into that shit. i could bloww any one of our teammates out a the wwater literally and figurativvely.

but thats become a problem hasn't it

vascilitatin is normal, shore. but i didnt think it wwould happen wwith sol and i. at no point did i evver think i could evver pity him. i still can't believve i felt it. cod knowws i dont feel it noww - but it still happened. i nevver understood until i felt i then - howw easy it is to flip. and here i wwas thinkin that i could only loathe him. 

but he wwas so dowwnright sad. the wwhole fuckin situation wwas dowwnright pitiful.

maybe that wwas it. maybe it wwasnt just him, maybe i felt pity for the both of us. i mean wwe had gotten so far. evven durin the date it felt like wwe wwere pressin all the right buttons and it felt so good to be at that levvel wwith someone. to finally hate someone on a levvel wwhere you knoww exactly wwhat it takes to set them off and just revvelin in it together. but as soon as i felt it, he'd fumble or miss or fuck up and i wwas back to feelin sorry for ourselvves. i resent him so fuckin much for puttin me through this i really do.

at the same time though... i really hope he beats this thing and challenges me again

wwhen do you knoww your kismesis is serendipitous? i thought that vvris wwas for a wwhile, but lookin back - she didn't rock my fuckin foundation the wway sol did. sol uprooted evveryfin i thought i kneww and threww it back in my face. i nevver wwanted to best someone as badly as i did him. 

and it happened, and fuck it left me so fuckin hollow. 

did he really hate me as much as i hated him at the end there. wwas he as upset as i wwas that it had to come to this? does he knoww that i /am/ still wwaitin for him? i mean i thought i made that clear, but i couldnt havve him think that i found his current state acceptable. theres no wway i can face him again until hes better. 

should i havve told him i wwent red? if even for a secnd? i don't think i should. i think i fucked up there. i should havve kept that secret like i did our rings.

fuckin shit. i should just movve on. mindfang movved on from dualscar pretty fuckin quick didnt she. are you supposed to mourn your pitch? wwell i guess thats a mute point seein that im a fuckin wwreck on top this spire. its the same fuckin spire i wwent to wwhen sol practically dumped me before wwe evven wwent official. 

and kars still not respondin. wwhatevver he probably thinks ivve been intolerable lately. and maybe i havve been. its not my fault ivve been ganged up on by a bunch a knoww-it-all wwriggler shits wwho wwouldnt a lasted an hour back home. howw dare they insult me wwith their talk a triggers and privvilage. you knoww wwhat fuckin triggers me? insolence and disrespect. so fuckin hashtag your EXISTENCE before pesterin me you FUCKS. im goin to personally showw them wwhy you dont fuck wwith royalty if i evver meet them face to face. cultual differences aside, you dont just fuckin glub up a stranger like that. especially a fuckin seadwweller. showw some fuckin TACT.

shell you know wwhat, im better off like this. screww the team and screww my life. i kneww i wwas right about some shit back wwhen i wwas six. the only person i can count on is myself. ivve levveled up faster than anyone on my team because im the fuckin BEST. so wwhy should i be fuckin punished for it? hell THEY should be punished for it. i bet i could take on the battlefield alone.

thatll showw em. 

evven though thatll basically confirm the fact that ill never find a pitch thats good enough to compete. 

i guess itll be up to the fail ampora to carry the sign. im obvviously not meant to havve any fuckin concupiscent quadrant. 

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amporaeridan: (Default)
Eridan Ampora

September 2014

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