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[personal profile] amporaeridan
-- caligulasAquarium [CA] has started trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG] --

CA: i wwish vvris’ ancestor wwrote more
CA: she mentioned other trolls
CA: sometimes i wwonder if theyre any of our ancestors since wwere all hatefriends and all
CA: like theres a slavve that caused the breakup of mindfang and dualscars kismesitude
CA: i alwways wwondered who that wwas
CG: SOME POOR FUCKER CAUGHT IN A BUNCH OF SHITTY HIGHBLOOD POWER GAMES
CG: THAT'S WHO
CA: there wwas a part a that i also didnt quite grasp
CA: i wwanted twwo reread it but she didnt let me borroww it for long
CG: PROBABLY BECAUSE SHE'S A PSYCHOBITCH
CG: ALTHOUGH YOU COULD ASK HER NOW, SHE HASN'T MURDERED ANYONE IN A FEW MONTHS, IT'S A WHOLE NEW FUCKING RECORD
CA: yeah
CA: i might
CA: it had twwo do wwith the grand fuckin highblood
CG: GREAT, YEAH, BECAUSE IT ALREADY WASN'T ENOUGH OF A FUCKING HORRORSHOW
CA: not only that but from wwhat i remember it fuckin implied that he wwas the one wwho did my ancestor in
CG: THE SUBJUGGULATORS ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR PROBABLY 50% OF EVERYBODY'S ANCESTORS DYING, DUMBASS
CA: but dualscar wwas a seadwweller
CA: thats fuckin uncommon as shit
CA: not that im afraid a gam
CG: WELL HOW DO MOST SEADWELLERS DIE, THEN
CG: IF NOT CULLED
CA: they cull each other
CA: also not many are born since its harder for them twwo reach the fuckin sea after they hatch since its a long distance awway from the cavverns
CA: also a lot of our ancestors are still alivve and see twwo it that a good portion a their lineage is sufficiently culled
CA: to make shore theres no threat a bein replaced by the successor and shit
CA: thats wwhy seadwwellers are tough as nails
CA: and if youre spared by your ancestor you betta be fuckin grateful and pick up the shit wwhere they left off
CG: THAT'S RETARDED.
CA: it aint retarded its natural selection
CA: you lowwbloods havve it easy
CG: NO, IT'S ALL FUCKING RETARDED.
CA: you think evveryfin is retarded
CG: MOST THINGS FUCKING ARE RETARDED, BUT THAT'S BESIDES THE POINT
CG: IT'S NOT FUCKING NATURAL SELECTION IF YOUR STILL LIVING GENETIC PREDECESSORS ARE CULLING YOU FUCKS
CG: JUST LIKE THE TRIALS AREN'T FUCKING NATURAL SELECTION - HOW THE FUCK IS THAT NATURAL??
CA: i mean you livved
CG: THAT ISN'T THE FUCKING POINT!!
CA: wwhat is it then
CA: since you dont believve in the wwhole ancestor thing
CA: wwhy do you think you livved
CG: A FREAK ACCIDENT??
CG: FATE SAVING ME SO IT COULD GET A BETTER LAUGH LATER ON??
CG: WHO FUCKING KNOWS?! NOT ME! I'D *LIKE* TO FUCKING KNOW, ACTUALLY, IT WOULD BE NICE TO HAVE A GRUBDAMNED EXPLANATION
CA: wwhat if this wwas your destiny
CA: evveryfin youre doin for the race noww
CG: OH YEAH GLORIOUSLY SAVED TO FUCK UP EVERYTHING LATER. GREAT.
CA: shoosh
CA: youre the last one of us wwhos fuckin shit up
CG: OH MY GOD DID YOU SAY THAT WITH A STRAIGHT FACE OR DID YOU HAVE TYPE ONE HANDED SO YOU COULD CROSS ALL THE DIGITS ON THE OTHER
CA: comparativvely
CG: I'VE CONTINUALLY FUCKED THIS SHIT UP. IT'S NOT EVEN SAD ANYMORE IT'S JUST GROSS, THE SHEER LEVEL OF FUCK UP-ITUDE INVOLVED.
CA: sans the stan human thing
CA: sans our wweird shit
CA: sans glubbin frogs
CA: wwhat else havve you "fucked up"
CG: OH OKAY, SO I'VE ONLY MANAGED TO FUCK UP EVERYTHING I'VE ACTUALLY TRIED. GREAT. YEAH. THINGS THAT HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH ME CHUG ALONG AT FULL SPEED, OFF ON THEIR INTERSTELLAR MISSIONS TO GET AS FAR AWAY FROM PLANET FAILURE AS POSSIBLE.
CA: im goin twwo pap you
CA: and this pap wwill be relentless and mightier than evver
CA: you wwont be ready for this pap
CG: HAH.
CA: its goin twwo come dowwn on you faster than lightenin but softer than clouds
CA: and its goin twwo start at the spot right in front a your ear wwhere your headaches start
CA: and go right dowwn twwo your neck
CA: and then back up again
CA: until it rakes through your hair and then around your horn
CA: unless youre wwearin those glasses they might get in the wway
CG: SHIT, ERIDAN
CA: so i take em off
CA: youre eyes are aggravated but i dont care
CA: i knoww wwhat you wwant
CA: red wwith anger but that means nothin twwo me
CA: and i kiss them shut
CG: STOP
CG: I JUST, OKAY, I CAN'T, I'M GOING TO FUCK THIS UP TOO
CA: karkat no
CA: shhhhh
CA: i pull you in tighter
CA: my lips still restin on your eyes
CG: I'M FUCKING SERIOUS!
CG: I CAN'T FUCKING DO THIS RIGHT NOW OKAY I REALLY
CA: kar
CG: I REALLY JUST
CG: I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO FUCKING DO
CA: wwhats wwrong
CA: i can actually come ovver there right noww
CA: youvve nevver stopped me mid-online shooshpap before
CG: YOU CAN'T FUCKING COME OVER. IT'S NOT.
CA: wwhat do you mean i cant
CA: are you and ter
CA: busy or somefin
CG: NO
CA: wwhy are you- oh
CA: then wwhats wwrong i can help
CA: i wwant to
CG: I KNOW
CG: I WANT YOU TO I JUST
CA: then im comin ovver
CG: I CAN'T FUCK ANYTHING ELSE UP THIS WEEK
CG: OKAY??
CA: wwhat in glubbin fuck did you fuck up
CG: OH YEAH WHAT HAVE I FUCKED UP, HOW ABOUT: EVERYTHING FOR THE PAST THREE NIGHTS??
CG: WHEN HAVING A BORDERLINE CIVIL CONVERSATION WITH ALIENS IS THE HIGHLIGHT OF THE WEEK SO FAR IN TERMS OF SHIT GETTING ACCOMPLISHED
CG: WOW
CA: wwell go on
CA: wwe can talk about it
CA: for real
CA: i can come ovver there and make us some roe cubes
CA: havve some hot grubtea
CA: and you can tell me wwhat you think you fucked up
CG: ERIDAN.
CA: yes kar
CG: IF YOU COME OVER IT'S
CG: I'M GOING TO RUIN SHIT.
CA: karkat there is nothing you can possibly do or say that wwill ruin anyfin
CA: betwween us
CA: i mean wwhat are wwe glubbin about here
CA: im shore wwhatevver it is you didnt mean it
CG: THAT DOESN'T MAKE IT ANY FUCKING BETTER! OH, SHIT, SORRY, HATEFRIEND, I DIDN'T MEAN TO CULL YOU WHEN YOU THREW A SURPRISE WRIGGLING DAY PARTY FOR ME AND SCARED THE FUCK OUT OF ME, THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU AREN'T DEAD
CA: did you cull someone
CG: NO!
CG: WHAT THE FUCK
CA: im confused
CA: someone threww someone a party and someone got culled
CA: or
CG: IT'S A FUCKING METAPHOR!!!!
CA: for wwhat
CG: MY EYES ARE COMING IN
CA: oh
CG: AND I SPENT ALL WEEK TRYING TO FUCKING ALCHEMIZE OCULAR LENSES LIKE A TOOL
CG: AND THAT'S WHY I'M WEARING TEREZI'S GLASSES
CA: so it wwasnt a flush gesture
CG: AND FUCK WHY THE FUCK HAVE I BEEN KEEPING THIS A SECRET IT DIDN'T HELP SHIT AND -- NO
CG: I MEAN, IT WAS, SORT OF, A LITTLE
CG: BUT NO MOSTLY IT WAS ME BEING A MASSIVE, WORTHLESS, COWARDLY SHITHEEL WHO CAN'T FUCKING FACE UP TO SHIT
CA: wwell maybe
CA: maybe this is a good thing
CA: do you think youre ready for us twwo movve on
CA: to the next step and
CA: you knoww
CA: come out
CG: I CAN'T. I CAN'T. I BELIEVE YOU, BUT I FUCKING CAN'T.
CA: wwell wwhat are our options here
CA: either you wwear those glasses for the rest a your life
CA: and hope no one catches a glance behind them
CA: or stay holed up havvin no one see you evver
CA: evven me apparently
CG: I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO, ERIDAN, THAT'S WHY I'M FREAKING THE FUCK OUT!!!!
CA: Karkat, please let me come over.
CA: I want to hold you and tell you everything is going to be alright.
CA: Its all my heart, hands, and head want to do right now.
CA: Because it /is/ going to be alright.
CA: Let me kiss you and soothe you and hum to you until you STOP this FUCKING nonsense.
CG: IT'S NOT ALRIGHT.
CG: BUT
CG: YEAH
CG: IT'S EITHER FUCK SHIT UP NOW OR DRAG IT OUT AND I DON'T WANT TO
CG: DO THAT TO YOU.
CA: so i can come ovver?
CA: and you wwont wwear those glasses
CG: THAT'S WHAT I FUCKING SAID!
CG: LEARN TO READ, DUMBSHIT
CG: GOD, SORRY, UGH.
CA: then im comin ovver noww
CA: karkat no matter wwhat
CA: my feelins for you wwont change
CA: i knoww you dont suscribe twwo a lot a this shit but i do think that our paths wwere supposed twwo cross this wway
CA: and that our moirallegiance wwil pavve the path twwo a neww start for our race and a neww brilliant era for all trollkind
CA: i used twwo wwish that all the wwonderful things that happened in our top ten pale film list wwould happen twwo us
CA: and wwe evven surpassed that
CA: the famous diamonds that wwent dowwn in history cant evven compare twwo us noww
CA: wwe beat them
CG: STOP
CA: i cant say many a my dreams came true
CA: if any
CG: COME OVER.
CA: but this one did
CG: THE DOOR'S UNLOCKED.
CG: I'M GOING TO BE THROWING UP, PROBABLY.
CG: SO JUST LET YOURSELF IN OR WHATEVER THE FUCK.
CA: im on my wway i just
CA: wwanted twwo let you knoww
CA: i hoped this wwould a calm you dowwn
CA: stop throwwin up its goin twwo be okay

-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] is an idle troll! --

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Eridan Ampora

September 2014

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