Feb. 23rd, 2014

amporaeridan: (Default)
- cuttlefishCuller [CC] started trolling caligulasAquarium [CA] -

CC: HEY!! Erifins!!!! 38D!!!!

CA: oh

CA: hi fef

CA: you shore messaged me at a wweird time

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It was another overcast, unpleasant day on the Land of Pulse and Haze, purple clouds and brownish mists hanging oppressively over everything as though the oceans of mockery weren't good enough and there just wasn't enough ugly bullshit to look at according to whatever universal forces of hate and bad fortune plagued them on a daily basis.


Karkat glared up at the sky, flipping said forces a quick middle finger out of sheer spite as he walked out the back door of his hive. The particular lake of red that had engulfed the back of his lawnring upon landing on Lopah had been consumed by a slightly less hideous but somehow equally retarded pool, courtesy of a particular whiny, spoiled seadweller. Pausing at the edge, Karkat crossed his arms, fingers wrapping around his elbows as he tried to find a familiar shape under the moving water.


-

Having just mastered sensing moving objects from below water, Eridan was able to catch a glimpse of someone or something moving near the shallower end of his pool. He preemptively fished his wand out of his swimming trunks, jetting over to the other side before peering upwards from the bottom. There was no need for alarm, however, for it was only Karkat and he had a feeling he knew what this was about. Karkat had never come this close to his pool before.

Breaching the surface, he clung to the edge of the pool by crossing his shimmering swimmer arms over the  lip. “Hey Kar, I can finally see straight under wwater noww. I evven sparred a bit wwith some of the higher level monsters ovver by some a your higher dungeons and its like I nevver lost my eye in the first place. I think I’m finally back to normal.” He faltered slightly, ear fins hanging low. “That said – I knoww I’vve probably overstayed my wwelcome, I plann on packin up and headin back to lowaa as soon as I get back from Lobaf tonight. You’vve been a great host, really. I can’t thank you enough.”


-

"Good, I thought you were going to spend all night falling down stairs like a concussed idiot high on sopor and his own farts."  Leaning slightly to the side to catch a better look at the fake eye, Karkat squinted a bit at it before straightening up.  Rolling his eyes a little at Eridan's downcast expression, he nudged at his shoulder with one sneaker toe.

"Please.  Like you aren't completely desperate to eat something besides radiation heated instant meals and grubloaf sandwiches.  If I have to hear one more fucking complaint about my food or my block or my sopor supply I will launch myself to Skaia by force of how utterly grubfucking done I am and immediately die in the most undignified way possible when the Black King just steps on me and squishes me out into a hideous, angry little smear all over the battlefield, and all the pawns will gather around solumnly because here landed Karkat Vantas, killed by snobby assholes with food issues."  Putting both feet back safely on the ground and taking a half step backwards away from the edge just to be extra safe, he continued to grip at his sweater.  "Besides it's not like you can't drag your sorry carcass over here occassionally.  Fuck knows I'm not going to use this sad excuse for a puddle you installed out here."


-

Eridan's earfins perked back up again at the thought of eating real food, facing upwards to agree with Karkat but instead noticed the way the other troll skirtted away from the water. Curiousity got the best of him, and with an upturned brow he asked, "Wwait, havve you nevver swwam before?"


-

"Oh, yeah, I swim all the fucking time, I just take a scuttlebuggy out to the taintscouring beach and splash around like I'm the glubfucked Heiress herself, heedless of the fact that's a good way to drown.  Or, a more likely scenario since this is my life we're talking about and the universe hates me so much everyone has started doubting whether it's platonic, get speared through the ribs by a pissy territorial fishfucker. Fuck that, swimming is for assholes with fins or a death wish or both."


-

“Wwell isn’t it about time you learned howw? You’d havve that tactical advantage ovver everyone else. Wwho knows wwhat terrain Skaia wwill havve once wwe start our battle wwith the Black King. Or our neww univverse evven!” Eridan argued, pushing himself away from the edge and towards one of the few ladders he had installed. “Get in, you wwont drowwn as long as I’m here and I can at least get you floatin.”


-

"Not in your fondest dreams!" Karkat yelped shrilly, taking another step away from the edge and loosening his hold on his own sweater to flip a middle finger at Eridan.  "I've got too much shit to do tonight to go off and drown like a retarded wiggler obsessing over a shiny piece of petrified shit at the bottom of a lake."


 

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Eridan Ampora

September 2014

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